Japanese humility / American aggression (Part 1)

What are the desirable characterists of a person in your culture?

One thing I find really interesting is that an important personal trait in one culture may not even have a representative word in another culture.

The other day, a Japanese friend described her (male) co-worker, and asked me what that type of personality is called in English.

"He is quiet, and doesn't try to trouble others, and even if he gets upset he never shows it to anyone. He's the kind of person that would never think to show his anger to someone else, even if that person has done something to upset him."

Can you think of the English word to describe her co-worker? I certainly can't.

I can think of a group of words that are sort of similar - but in fact many of them are negative in meaning or connotation - whereas the description above was of how perfect the co-worker is! Words like wimp, meek, shy, inhibited, timid, insecury, quiet, etc. Not a single word describes his qualities, and all of the words imply an opposite meaning.

The Japanese word to describe this type of person is "sunao." Many Japanese have asked me how to say "sunao" in English, and I have to quit and just say there isn't an equivalent, and that you should have to describe the whole concept to an English speaker rather than just use an equivalent word. Sunao is written with kanji meaning something like "basic honesty."

Sunao is defined as: amenable // amiable // compliant // graceful // honest // malleable // obedient // straightforward // supple // tractable // yielding, meek, docile, unaffected, honest, frank, etc.

Two other words in Japanese are often used to describe such positive characteristics as well: otonashii (written with kanji meaning 'adult') and "tsutsumashii" that could be read as "a state of mind of truth."

Respective definitions:
obedient, docile, quiet
modest, reserved, quiet, humble

So, what would be some words to describe the perfect characteristics for an American? In a lot of ways, they would be words opposite in meaning to a lot of the above words. And, in a 'vice versa' fashion, many would have negative meanings and connotations in Japanese. Words like aggressive, assertive, outgoing, determined, driven, etc.